Protecting stupid people from themselves
Hello readers! Welcome back after the long Memorial Day Weekend! As I logged on to the internet this morning, I was greeted by a local news story that
Derry, PA
got my blood pumping! “Police Say Pedestrians Still Crossing Deadly Set Of Train Tracks” If train tracks are deadly than pencils cause misspellings! Matches cause forest fires! Spoons caused Rosie O’Donnell to get fat! OK, OK…you get the point! It’s not like a train sneaks up on you while your walking on the tracks! Especially on the section of tracks this article is referring to! These tracks are straight and you can see for close to a mile in either direction…if you are crossing the tracks at the place where these several accidents happened, you will have plenty of advance warning of a train coming. Not only can you see it, you will hear it as they always blow the air horns when approaching the road crossings just down track from this area. This is just another case of the government trying to protect stupid people from meeting their destinies! It’s natural selection, people! If you are dumb enough to step in front of an oncoming train, than you probably deserve the gruesome results. You don’t need the government to keep you safe from trains…all you need is some common sense!
Here is a snippet from the article linked above:
DERRY, Pa. — Police in one Westmoreland County community said pedestrians are still illegally crossing a set of train tracks that’s been the scene of three fatalities in the past two years.According to police, Robin Price, 39, was cited for criminal trespass for crossing the Norfolk Southern railroad tracks at East Second and Chestnut streets in Derry Borough.Police said the crossing is known for two recent fatal train accidents involving three people, including a mother and her young child.In July 2009, a 15-year-old boy was struck and killed by a train after leaving a grocery store in Derry.In October of the same year, Sheila Singer, 37, and her 2-year-old son, John Smart, also died crossing the same set of tracks. Police say pedestrians use the tracks as a shortcut instead of taking the bridge along state Route 217.There have been several train vs. pedestrian accidents through the years in the small railroad town of Derry, PA, but the one that got people talking happened in July 2009. A 15 year old kid leaves the grocery store and stops on the tracks to fiddle with his Ipod. Apparently, he see’s a train coming so he backs up to the other set of tracks and stops again, planning to wait the train out only several feet from the tracks in use. Not realizing a train was coming simultaneously from the other direction…he gets blasted! October 2009, a 37 year old mother tries to beat the train across the tracks with her 2 year old son in a stroller. Stroller gets stuck, she gets her young daughter across safely and returns to get he 2 year old just in time to get hit killing both her and the 2 year old child. Both cases were totally preventable if the victims just had some common sense! The unfortunate 2 year old child was murdered by his stupid parent. I do feel bad for this child but I still do not think all citizens should be restricted because of the actions of a few stupid ones. Robin Price does not deserve a citation for criminal trespass in my opinion! Media outcry is unjustified.
The tracks separate North Derry from South Derry and have long been a shortcut to go from the residential section in North Derry to the Downtown area in South Derry. The only other option is to walk up the tracks and climb a set of steep stairs to the Route 217 bridge and walk across the long bridge to the other side and then walk back down the tracks to town. Definitely a long trip for anyone especially the elderly. One can effectively look both ways and cross the tracks in less than 30 seconds. No problem. Problems happen when people get stupid and try to cross before the train gets there or just plain don’t pay attention.
RIP Common Sense
The resulting debates from the 2 accidents divided the small town even more. The Mayor called for a large fence to block crossing as well as extra police patrolling the area issuing citations to anyone caught trying to cross the tracks. That’s all fine and dandy, but who pays for the fence and extra police presence? We do! We have to pay to keep stupid people safe! This notion goes a lot deeper than the train tracks of Derry, PA…just think of all the instances where the government has decided that we are too stupid to protect ourselves from danger and thus created new laws and extra expenses to help keep us safe! Examples are everywhere! Some are justifiable in the name of public safety but others are ridiculous! All because some stupid people decide to set the benchmark for idiocy and make the evening news.
Although I do like a good debate, I don’t want to sound in-compassionate. I truly feel for public safety but I just want to stress the importance of common sense! If more people would practice good common sense and situational awareness, we could cut meaningless accidents down by half. Accidents will always happen, but a majority of them are preventable. You don’t need the government to protect you from every cut, scratch and boo-boo, you just need to think LIKE A MOFO before you act! An ounce of common sense will keep you safer than a metric shit ton of rules and laws!
Memorial Day Weekend
Well fans, the official start to Summer is upon us and I know everyone is looking forward to an extra day off, burgers and hotdogs on the grille and quality
Happy Memorial Day
time with the family! I just wanted to take a moment to remind you all about the true reason for Memorial Day. As a matter of fact, 7 more heroes have just been added to the list of names that each and everyone of use owe our lifestyles and freedom to.
7 U.S. soldiers among 8 killed in IED attack in Afghanistan
Kabul, Afghanistan (CNN) — Eight NATO soldiers — seven of them Americans — were killed Thursday when two improvised explosive devices blew up in southern Afghanistan, according to the International Security Assistance Force and the Pentagon.
A coalition military official said the attack occurred in the Shorabak District, a remote area in the southeastern part of Kandahar Province, approximately 100 kilometers (about 62 miles) south of the city of Kandahar. It’s the same region in which Taliban forces unleashed multiple attacks earlier this month in their so-called spring offensive.
The devices exploded one after the other, the official said.
ISAF did not identify the nationalities of the soldiers, but Pentagon spokesman Col. Dave Lapan said Thursday afternoon that seven of them were American.
Thank you for everything.
Seven more American Soldiers have volunteered to defend Freedom and gave their lives doing so. They won’t be able to grille any more burgers or spend any more Sunday afternoon with their kids. They traveled to a dangerous shit hole country and ended up sacrificed everything so that we can continue to live free and safe in our beautiful towns and cities. You and I may not agree with the fact that our troops are putting their lives on the line everyday in a war over ideas, democracy and oil. But the truth is that our Nation called on them for action and they bravely answered. War did seem to have more of a meaning and urgency back in the days of WWI and WWII. Our country was in direct danger of invasion from enemy forces. Today, there are not too many enemies that could possibly invade our homeland but they can and do inflict terror and disrupt our way of life from their rat holes half way around the world. The only way to eliminate that threat is to send our troops over there in an effort to root out the enemy on their own soil.
Memorial Day is about remembering the men and women of the armed forces that gave up everything to preserve our way of life. It’s a time to look back at their courage and dedication and to remember that they have loved ones around the country that will never get to see them again because of their sacrifices. It’s also a time to remember that freedom is not free. It is paid for with the blood of our heroes. So, if you see a random Military Person this weekend, thank him or her for their service and for the sacrifice of their brothers in arms. Buy them a coffee, stand when you hear the National Anthem and applaud the flag line and Veterans in the parade. Show your heroes the respect that they deserve. Without those lost over the years, our way of lives would surely be different today. In past wars, conflicts and battles, all gave some – but some gave all! To those who gave all, this weekend of remembrance is for you! God bless America and all that have served LIKE A MOFO!
“Under the Radar” Legislation
And you wonder why us gun owners get worked up over gun control legislation? An article posted by the NRA and Fox News, earlier today, confirms what we have all been fearing. Obama: We’re Working on Gun Control ‘Under the Radar’ Here is the snippet:
On March 30, the 30th anniversary of the assassination attempt on President Ronald Reagan, Jim Brady, who sustained a debilitating head wound in the attack, and his wife, Sarah, came to Capitol Hill to push for a ban on the controversial “large magazines.” Brady, for whom the law requiring background checks on handgun purchasers is named, then met with White House press secretary Jay Carney. During the meeting, President Obama dropped in and, according to Sarah Brady, brought up the issue of gun control, “to fill us in that it was very much on his agenda,” she said.
“I just want you to know that we are working on it,” Brady recalled the president telling them. “We have to go through a few processes, but under the radar.”
So that’s how this is going to go down? Clandestine legislation? Wow. Just WOW! To me, this just admits that Obama and his henchmen know that most
Banning guns is not the answer! Enforce the laws we already have!
of America supports the 2nd Amendment but the smaller group of anti-gunners has deeper pockets and can afford to buy their way into the government. The other problem is that many 2nd Amendment supporters don’t care what legislation rolls off of capitol hill as long as it doesn’t affect their hunting rifles or shotguns. Well, take a look at England. That is how it all started. First it was a ban on automatic guns then certain semi-autos. Then pistols and larger caliber guns. Today, you have to keep your .22 cal pistol and rifle at a government club and you’re not allowed to own anything else! The same thing will happen here. Once we give in for one ban, more will follow. It’s just like the old adage: If you want to boil a frog, put him in a cold pot and turn on the heat. He’ll jump out of a boiling pot when you try to throw him in! The government is the same wall…take away our freedoms one step at a time! Maybe we’ll never notice!
AR15 Sporting Rifle
Back to the legislation. The article mentioned hi capacity magazines as a focus point. Many people agree with this ban because hi cap mags are scary! They also don’t like sporting rifles such as the civilian semi-auto versions of the M16 and AK47 because they are scary! Truth is that there have actually been very few crimes ever committed by owners of sporting rifles and hi cap mags. Sure there have been some instances and there always will be. These guns and mags are generally higher priced and don’t fall into the hands of your average street thug gang banger. If you want to stop crime…enforce the laws that we do have and quit giving second and third chances to the bottom feeders that commit the crimes!
An unarmed society is a bad thing. If all the people are unarmed then they are peasants forced to do whatever the government says. With arms the people stay free. The 2nd Amendment makes all the other amendments possible. So next time you think, “Eh, that high cap mag ban doesn’t affect me!” Yes it does! If we ever have to take up arms against an out of control government or foreign invader…do you want to have a fighting chance or do you want to go to battle with a bunch of BB guns and .22′s? The only reason the Japanese didn’t invade the mainland is because of what Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto knew…“You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass.”
This attitude displayed by our commander and chief is some seriously scary shit and it is blatantly disrespectful to the American People! If you guys are OK with any of this, you need to check your priorities LIKE A MOFO!
Distracted Driving
We talk about freedom and consequently, the loss of freedom quite regularly here on LIKEAMOFO. Well another attack on our freedoms is under way in
PA Capitol Building
the Pennsylvania General Assembly. It’s a house bill called HB 896 and it is directed at distracted driving. The bill mainly prohibits talking and texting on a cell phone while operating a vehicle, among other things. I’m a little on the fence over this myself so I figured it would be good material for the blog. On one hand, I agree…no one should be texting while driving. It just isn’t possible. It’s dangerous for you and everyone on the road. Now, with that said, it should be common sense for people not to text while driving and not necessary of another law in the books to ban it! I’m really starting to realize that most laws are drafted up because people are stupid and have no freaking common sense! But I digress…the other part of the bill prohibits talking on the phone while driving and that is where I disagree. I can talk and drive just fine. It’s no different than talking to a passenger or listening to the radio. Neither of those actions are to be banned, so why is talking on the phone?
It all comes down to the individual. Although I am completely confident in my ability to talk and drive, there are people out there that shouldn’t use the phone while driving. (Some people shouldn’t be driving period! But that’s a post for another day!) HB 896 also doesn’t regulate navigation systems or any entertainment or electronic systems integrated into the vehicle. Again, some people can use these systems but there are others that can’t walk and chew gum at the same time! So what would this bill accomplish? Ban texting, OK. Ban Talking on the phone, OK. But you are still allowed to fiddle with the radio, talk to passengers, yell at the kids, eat a burger, play with the wife’s leg, finger bang the girlfriend, maybe even shave or put on make up or read the paper! Now, the bill does have provisions for issuing distracted driving citations which I find vague but I suppose they could cover some of these other distractions.
Don't text and drive!
The point is that we need another motor vehicle law like we need another hole in the head. We already have laws about safety restraints, tinted windows, head light brightness, music volume…hell, lets ban dark color cars because they are harder to see at night! Supporters cite safety as the main need for the laws. The bad thing is that these laws just promote stupidity. People no longer need to think for themselves because the government wants to do it for them. Then the stupid people reproduce and have stupid kids that grow up even more dependent on the government to tell them what is right and wrong. See, I went of another rant all because of one proposed house bill! But it’s all true…call your representatives and tell them to stick HB 896 where the sun don’t shine! But use some common sense! Don’t ever text while driving and only use devices if you are capable. Oh and while were on the subject, would it kill you to use the damn turn signal once in a while! Just use that common sense LIKE A MOFO?
So, you think your life sucks?
So you think you have it bad? Work sucks, wife is too hard on you? Maybe you are being indicted for income tax evasion? Well, nothing can compare to the horrible set of situations thrust upon the unlucky gentlemen focused on in our three case studies below. Some of the material you are about to read is not safe for work, may be disturbing to young readers, squeamish people and possibly some midgets. You may also not want to continue reading if you are pregnant or suffer with heart problems because you may laugh yourself into a sub dermal hematoma! Otherwise, sit back, relax and enjoy these three tales of the perils of modern life!
Case #1
Alright…I don’t care if you guys believe me … it’s real. This is the the most embarrassing thing that I’ve ever experienced… it was a horrible night for me.. and I’m sharing it with you guys because I don’t want any of my misc bro’s to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It’s very long, but I’ll do my best to recount all of the important details. no freaking cliff notes….. read it to save yourself from something like this…
Anyway…
If you’ve been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an Asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn’t recorded unfortunately because my Camera froze). But anyway, it’s been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn’t call her before exams were done then I wouldn’t get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roommate is making some Chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”. Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and damn… I had to take take a shit really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn’t bring my pee bottles with me to the date)… I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened). So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the hell do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuck this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”… so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor… I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)… wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t fucking dissolve… and the damn bitch was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
She says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
She then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so freaking bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: Fuck this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can… I was so fucking embarrassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers… “wtf did you do???”…she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grab some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and a lot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odor. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP ended up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor… I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet…I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now… I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she grabs a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment.
All of this could have freaking been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and shit in her bathtub???? This is freaking retarded (yes mad).
to all you people saying “peeing in bottles is stupid/gross”… well screw that… not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disasters like this one….
This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle… I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneously peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster… no mess…. and none of this would have happened.
anyway… should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?
_________________________________________________
Case #2
Why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.
All in all, it hadn’t been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I’d last taken a dump. I’d tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, “Everything Must Go!” This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:
1.Occupied.
2.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it’s next to the occupied one.
3.Poo on seat.
4.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
5.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.
The stall of shame!
Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I’m normally a fairly Shameful Sh1tter. I wasn’t happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.
I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Sh1tter was blathering to Mrs. Sh1tter about the sh1tty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.
Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude — a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall.
The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.
Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon’s continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial “herald” fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.
“Oh my God,” I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, “No, baby, that wasn’t me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??”
Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I’d see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.
Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: “Gotta go… horrible… throw up… in my mouth… not… make it… tell the kids… love them… oh God…” followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.
Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one’s phone and wipe one’s bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.
There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Splat!
After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who’d be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.
As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.
I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it’ll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public — and I doubt he’ll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.
___________________________________________________
Case #3
A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan’s Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid’s night at Ryan’s, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards.
It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you — in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.
I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.
Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It’s amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress…
Ryan's Steak House
Entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit. I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions. I began “The Move.”
For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain “The Move.” Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a ballet dancer.
I was about half-way into “The Move” when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.
In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake…you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of “30,000 Killed in Wake of Typhoon Fifi” or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass.
But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you’re going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon. Now, back to the vomit…
While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants…on the inside…with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.
In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid shit. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat. And there was no fucking toilet paper.
What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.
Oh My God!
About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I’m sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing.
She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.
The manager then came back in with a half dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan’s making minimum wage of just slightly above.
At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose. Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.
When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door. The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan’s Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.
______________________________________________________
So there you have it! Nothing that happens in your sheltered life could possibly be as bad as the hardships and challenges these guys had to face! But don’t feel too comfortable, as long as there is a public restroom, an all you can eat buffet or a pretty girl out there, someone is bound to embarrass themselves LIKE A MOFO!
When will the United States Really be United?
A hooker gets busted in Atlantic City for prostitution. She is forced to pay a hefty fine, court fees, possible jail time and a scared record for life. OK, nothing
Hey baby, how much?
new here, do the crime – do the time! Nothing wrong with that other than the fact that some prostitution is legal in the State of Nevada! Granted, it is heavily regulated and allowed only in licensed brothels, but it is still legal in a form compared to New Jersey and all the rest of the 49 states that it is illegal in! Now I’m no prostitution supporter or anything like that, but it sure doesn’t seem fair that Miss Hot Pants in NJ gets arrested for doing the same thing her colleagues are doing in NV under state license! I can understand some state laws varying for instance, it may be illegal to have sex with a dead armadillo in Texas but not in Maine. Why? Because there are no armadillos in Maine! Makes sense, right! Right, but it shouldn’t be OK to be allowed to ride a motorcycle without a helmet in Pennsylvania and then have to put a helmet on when you cross over state lines to West Virginia or New York because the law mandates all riders wear a helmet in those states! As a matter of fact, there are only 4 States that are 100% helmet free: Colorado, Illinois, Iowa and New Hampshire. All the rest discriminate against riders in some fashion, including the State of Pennsylvania. In PA, riders between the age of 18 and 20 must wear a helmet while operating a motorcycle. Again, I ask: why are laws so varied across this great land?
Sexy Armadillo
Lets look at another hot topic of mine…Gun Rights. I can legally obtain a license to carry a concealed firearm in the State of Pennsylvania but I can only conceal carry in other states that have reciprocity agreements with my home state. This means that I can travel unrestricted to West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia and Florida, but I would be illegal in Ohio, Maryland and South Carolina just to mention a few! WTF kinda reasoning is this? Are our law writers on crack? Sometimes I think they are…stuff like this just makes my blood boil! If I pay my fees, meet all the requirements and obtain my legal license
Nation Wide Permits are Needed
to carry, it should be honored in any State in the union. There is a law trying to go through that would allow this, but it was voted down last year by a slim margin. Hopefully, our misguided law makers will have enough sense to make this right. It’s no different than a drivers license. Could you imagine having to get a license to drive in each state you travel to, or trying to avoid states that don’t honor your license on a trip route? Sounds crazy but this is what legal gun owners face every day in these “United States!”
I love this country but I hate the way our elected officials try to run it! We really need to make an effort to unite the country and make our laws more simple but smart. There’s no doubt that we have a lot of dumb laws on the books and the fact that they vary so much from state to state is even worse! There isn’t much we can do right now except research candidates and vote for the ones that will help restore our freedoms and make right those laws that are just ridiculous! The problem is that these candidates will say what ever we want to hear to get elected but then they do what is best for them! Whatever lobbyist pays the most cash towards their retirement fund is the way the laws shuffle. That’s a story for another day. For now, just get out and vote for freedom LIKE A MOFO!
The People of Wal-Mart
Unless you have been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen or at least heard of the popular website called “People of Wal-Mart!” It’s a wonderful showcase of some of America’s finest specimens caught on camera being ‘themselves’ at their local Wal-Mart! “So, why is that so funny?” Well visit the site and find out! http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Or, you can just watch the new music video from jessicafrech:
Ah, good times! One of my favorite things to do at while shopping is Wal-Mart Bingo! Just print a few cards out for the family and the first one to complete a row wins his/her choice of beef jerky at the check out!
Walmart Bingo
So, what is the attraction to Wal-Mart for the general public? Is it the quality products or the huge variety of merchandise? After all, Sam Walton, founder of
Wal-Martian
Wal-Mart, once said, “If we don’t stock it, you don’t need it!” No, I think it is more than that…I think it is the social interaction! Really! Did you watch the video above? Where else can you go to see such a cross section of the American people? You got your preppies, crack heads, check bouncers, window lickers, rednecks, hoodlums, horny teenagers, gangster wannabe’s, creepers and maybe even a few normal under the radar kinda people. Where else can you actually go to feel good about yourself! I’ve even seen the crack heads laughing at other people! That is the draw that Wally World has on us! It isn’t the low prices or the special deals. It sure isn’t the customer service or the free toaster from the in store banking center. Oh no, my friends…it’s the freak show! You gotta admit that we all love a good freak show! And Wal-Mart is society at its best! It’s the guarantee that when you walk out of there, you are gonna feel good about your self (and save a few bucks at the same time!)
So there you go! put on your Sunday best, round up the family and head down to your local Wal-Mart for a fun filled evening of shopping and entertainment! You never know what you may encounter. You may even be the one getting your freak on LIKE A MOFO!
Rapture Cancelled – Rain Date Dec. 21st, 2012
Well folks, it’s the first Monday after FamilyRadio.com’s prophecy of the second coming of Jesus Christ and the beginning of the Rapture! Well, guess
Harold Camping
what? We’re still here and I didn’t see anyone get raptured on Saturday afternoon. Just more proof that Harold Camping is a nut job! (Keep in mind that this is the second time that he has predicted judgement day, the first being 1994). I still can’t even find an official statement anywhere on the web from Camping or his devout followers. I guess they just screwed up! Well, I think that it was all a publicity stunt and a damn good one at that! Their Chicken Little stunt gained
Rapture Cancelled
national attention, news coverage and dominated discussions on Facebook, MySpace and forums all over the web. Not bad publicity for an advertiser that thrives for public attention and donations! As a matter of fact, I heard that Family Radio took in over $100 Million in donations! Not too bad for a one day false prophecy! Most people I know had fun, with the rumor, making jokes and rapture pranks…but I feel sorry for the follower that actually believed this malarkey and donated to these people! I bet they feel like idiots today! Maybe not…if the brain washing runs deep enough, they will just believe that the world wasn’t ready for the second coming or something like that. I’m sure there will be a well planned response from the Harold Camping team soon. It will be a response designed to stimulate even more donations! I do see that they already have a newly redesigned website!
This is all just another reminder that religion is a money making machine! If you believe in God and you are a good person at heart, then God will always be with you! You don’t need to go to church every week, you don’t need to donate to the business of religion. Your charity would be better spent on an organization like the Red Cross or Salvation Army. Organizations that actually help people in you neighborhood. I have nothing against churches and organized religion, but I don’t want or need it rammed down my throat, either. After all, we do have a little thing in this country called Freedom of Religion. Practice what you want and leave everyone else practice what they want. It’s not rocket science but some wacko’s just don’t seem to get it!
I bet some people in Iceland got a little shaken up when Europe’s most active volcano, Grimsvotn, decided to erupt on Saturday, but still hardly worthy of the the end of the world! Oh well, to all those disappointed that the end isn’t really here, you still have the Mayan’s prediction of December 21, st 2012! That’s when the Mayan
Mayan Calendar
calendar suddenly ends. Personally, I’d put more faith in the prophets of mysterious ancient civilization than today’s religious nut bags, then again, maybe the Mayan’s were just procrastinators and figured they chisel out the rest of the calendar later! What ever happens, when the end of the world does come…you will know it LIKE A MOFO!
Disturbing Video
I don’t know why, but this is one of the most disturbing, messed up videos I ever saw!
It’s kind of like a train wreck though, you just have to watch it out of morbid curiosity! Creativity is good but man, when you get creeped out by the creation it makes you wonder what the creator is like? For example…just look a Marilyn Manson. This dude is freaking weird! It’s been reported that he had several ribs removed so he could service himself! Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, Rob Zombie and the list goes on. I guess strange artwork dates back pretty far. Just look at impressionistic art - artists like Edvard Munch and Van Gogh shocked the world with their form of art. I guess variety is truly the spice of life! Maybe it’s just a catchy tune…I dunno, but I am your Grandma LIKE A MOFO!
Edvard Munchy "The Scream"
Marilyn Manson
Obama is out of control!
What the hell has gotten into President Obama lately? Well, I’ll tell you…the Obama re-election machine is in high gear! It all started with his elusive birth certificate reveal followed by the public humiliation of a citizen (by a seated president, no less) and then the announcement that bin Laden was dead by his presidential order! Then he was shaking hands and kissing babies at Ground Zero to celebrate. He even promised a teenager a meeting with his pal Justin Bieber! I am predicting free health care for everyone and $2.00 just before the elections! If there is one thing about socialist democrats – they don’t like to lose! I wouldn’t rule out martial law and last minute constitutional amendments to keep him self in office! Go ahead, laugh it up now because if this shit happens, you ain’t gonna think its very funny!
Obama may not make it to the elections in 2012, however! Along with his rock star antics, he is also making a lot of enemies. The Taliban, al Qaeda, Libya, Donald Trump and most of the 300 Yemen’s want him dead. All of America pissed about the rising cost of health care, fuel and food. Both sides of congress are ready to arrest him this Saturday for waging military action longer than 60 days without congressional support and now he’s on Israel’s shit list for siding with those filthy bacon eating Palestinians over land disputes that he has no business messing with in the first place! The Middle East is a dangerous place but if I had to be dropped of somewhere with no passport or ID, I think Israel would be the best bet! Well, at least until Obama pissed them off!
How much will the American people take before we demand an impeachment? Do we need to hire an intern to give him a BJ just to get him out of office? Whatever it takes, we need to do it now before this guy goes totally crazy and nukes China or something! It’s is so clear to see that he is in massive damage control mode and no holds are barred! His people told him that numbers are down and he needs to perform…well that’s what we are getting one big performance! I don’t trust him or his judgement and I don’t think any other red blooded American should either! Personally, I lost all respect for the man when I saw him bend over and ball wash the King of Saudi Arabia when he first got elected. The leader of the free world does not need to bow down to another leader – disrespect to them or not! No, don’t drink the Kool-aid again, my friends! This guy is crazy LIKE A MOFO!
The Zombpocalypse Explained
Have you ever wondered what can go wrong to bring about the Zombpocalypse? Well…no need to wonder, this comic strip should explain it all LIKE A MOFO!
Bin Laden – “Winning”
I just realized that bin Laden has succeeded. He won the battle against terrorism. He wreaked the most havoc on his enemies and even in death, he is victorious!
“Whoa there Rocket, what the hell are you talking about?”
Bin Laden
Well, think about it…bin Laden was a terrorist. His occupation, desire and goal was to instill fear and chaos in the hearts of his enemies and disrupt their way of life. He has done that and then some. Sure, now that he is dead, we can all breath a sigh of relief even though we know that some other Jihadist ass wipe was just waiting to take his place in the bottom feeder food chain. But what we don’t realize is that bin Laden did far more to degrade us than installing fear of physical injury and death. No my friends…he has done something far worse!
Bin Laden has succeeded in convincing us, the American People, into systematically giving up our freedoms. Not all at once, but in small bites. An x-ray scan here, a wire tap there. No big deal, right? Not by my book…as I look into my electronic window to the world, I see our liberties and freedoms disappearing daily. I just read that the CIA and FBI want the right to read our emails and social networking posts. I’m sure they already do but they want to make it official now. How can this be justified? Easy, it is for our own good! They want to PROTECT us from the bin Laden’s and other extremist whack jobs out there and our freedom is just standing in the way!
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t make me feel safer! Actually, it makes me feel like I’m being violated even though I have nothing to hide. I just don’t like the idea of the Federal Government reading my emails and Facebook posts. I just don’t like it! I’m sure no one else does either, but why do we let it happen? “Well, don’t just sit back and watch…do something about it!” Yeah right! How can we change something that is so far gone that it needs a total douche? And I can tell you, the people that gotta be ousted in government do not want to go without a fight. So how do you change things? Voting doesn’t work. Petitions don’t work. Asking politely doesn’t work. Hell, half the US citizens have already been brainwashed into depending on the government, how can we expect a fair vote? The most socialist candidates are taking over due to weak and empty campaign promises!
Seal Team 6
So, do you see? Bin Laden has won. Maybe he has been working from the inside all this time? Maybe Osama and Obama are old friends with an agenda? I could speculate for days but you see where I am coming from. Bin Laden is gone now, buried at sea like a valiant warrior. But his legacy will live on every time a senior administrative official drafts another bill that strips us of another freedom in defense of the radicals out there in scary land. Bin Laden and his 72 Virgins will have the last laugh as we suffer in the self made prisons that we have created. When you see photos and video of the elated people dancing in the streets, celebrating the death of the face of evil…thank them. Yes, thank them for being so shallow and uninformed. Thank them for supporting another piece of freedom lost because of their fear and government dependance!
The upside of this rant is the highly trained and skilled SEAL Team 6 that carried out the operation. You guys have my highest respect for putting your lives in harms way to protect ours. All while your commander and chief sits in his nice, safe situation room watching and taking credit for his actions! This is the same commander and chief that just weeks ago was ready to hold your pay checks over some budget bullshit. He also thinks it’s big fun to make jokes about potential candidates that want his job. Last time I checked, anyone born in the USA was eligible for his job! What’s so funny about that? I suppose he thinks $5 a gallon gas and $250 per week grocery bills are funny too? I wish Trump would run for office and win just so he could FIRE Obama!
The Twin Towers
Bin Laden may have never planned for the towers to fall, he never anticipated 3000 dead. But I’m sure he dreamed of a land of infidels terrified by his Jihad. He yearned for a darkness of distrust and paranoia to fall across our land. Whether we like it or not, he succeeded in changing America. He managed to change an entire culture. The current government says that change is for the good. I say hell no…keep the change! America…get up out of you chairs and do something before it is too late! Once our freedoms are gone…we will be at everyone’s mercy! Don’t let the Bin Laden win anymore! Stand up and fight for your freedoms LIKE A MOFO!freedom,
May 21st, 2011 – The Rapture is Near!
So what do you guys make of this rapture business? There are signs and bill boards all over claiming that Jesus is coming back and the rapture will begin on May 21st, 2011! But don’t worry, that’s not the end of the world…that happens on October 21st, 2011! This hype seems to be originated from this webpage: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/ by the eBible people and being heavily promoted by familyradio.com. It’s all based on bible math:
TIMING OF IMPORTANT EVENTS IN HISTORY
11,013 BC—Creation. God created the world and man (Adam and Eve).
4990 BC—The flood of Noah’s day. All perished in a worldwide flood. Only Noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).
7 BC—The year Jesus Christ was born (11,006 years from creation).
33 AD—The year Jesus Christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).
1988 AD—This year ended the church age and began the great tribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).
1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing God’s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).
2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).
ONE DAY IS AS 1000 YEARS
I don’t know about you, but none of that makes sense to me! But I guess bible math isn’t an exact science and that idea tends to get me in trouble with the bible thumpers! Sure, I believe in God but I think he is the being that started the big bang that created life and eventually lead to the evolution of mankind. I also don’t think that we are alone in this big universe. To believe that God created the entire universe just for us is naive! My problem is with religion itself. Church is a business…it runs on money and personally, I don’t think God cares if you go to church to show you believe. If you believe in your heart, then God knows! Keep your checkbook in your pocket! However, I digress…back to this rapture thing. The choice is yours. The chances are 50/50 and come Sunday morning, we will all know who was wrong! I really don’t think it will happen, but if it does, I hope it is zombies! We can deal with the dead rising, but man…if it is solar flares or dino killing comets, we’re all toast LIKE A MOFO!
Eclectic Method – The Apocamix from Eclectic Method on Vimeo.
Space – The Final Frontier
Gliese-581d
Well folks, it looks like the USA has stepped out from the space race after a great 60 year run. Under the reign of Obama, NASA is facing massive budget cuts, pending layoffs and the death of the Shuttle program with no clear replacement in sight. Obama’s answer is for us to pay the Russians $51 Million per seat for rides to and from the International Space Station. There you have it…we officially lost the space race! We have just succumbed to over 60 years of keeping ahead of the Russians and now they own us! Sad. Very sad! Sure, a lot of people may think that space exploration is a giant waste of money, but I disagree…I think space exploration is a valid and justifiable expense that we need to be involved in. Hell, astronomers just discovered an Earth like planet called Gliese 581d only 20 light years from Earth. The only thing holding us back is scientific advancements in propulsion. With the Obama budget cuts, the day mankind leaves the solar system may never come. We may never even make it to Mars or back to the Moon for that matter!
It was sad to hear that my kids didn’t even get to watch Shuttle Endeavor’s launch, last Monday morning, at school. It was the last flight she will ever have and also the second to last shuttle flight ever! I can still remember my younger days when the entire nation was fascinated with the shuttle and space programs. News coverage was on every channel. Today, your lucky to see it mentioned on the 6 o’clock news at all. It’s really a disgrace to all the 
past and present heroes that have put their lives on the line for their country. It’s also a disgrace for the government to drop the space program like a hot potato! My suggestion is to promote it, build it up and make a challenge to reach Mars by 2012 much like JFK did in the 60′s! Lets get this county pumped up with something good to believe in! With victory, we rejoice as a nation…if tradjedy happens, we mourn as a nation. The space program is one of those thing that Americans can unite over and feel good about. And let me tell you, this nation needs that LIKE A MOFO!
Life Imitates Internet Forums
NSFW, but I LOL’d LIKE A MOFO!
CDC Warns Of Zombie Apocalypse
A lot of folks have laughed at me through the years as I warned of the coming zombie apocalypse, but now my warnings have seemed to go mainstream as the Centers for Diseases Control and Prevention issued a warning to be prepared in their blog. OK, I know what you are thinking and no, I don’t really think that hordes of the undead will rise and try to eat our brains! (Some unknown disease may create zombie type mutants in the future, but that is another story!) What I do think is that you can make survival training and preparation more interesting by using worst case scenarios such as a zombpocalypse. After all, if you are prepared for zombies, a hurricane or earthquake would be nothing in comparison to survive. The CDC is using the zombie scenario to promote their new survival preparedness campaign in the same manner. With the popularity of Call of Duty’s Nazi Zombies, Resident Evil, Zombieland and many others, it’s a no brainer for the CDC to try and cash in on hot topic to help their campaign. Here is a link to the Fox News story about the blog post. I applaud them for their efforts but haven’t they ever watched a zombie movie? CDC survivor compounds are the last place you want to go to avoid being zombified!
The real deal is that you and your family should have plans for basic survival in the event of any emergency…flood, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, terrorism and even civil unrest. Even if it is just a bug out plan or 2-3 weeks of food and water, it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead. With the wacky weather and crazy terrorists lately, who knows what will happen tomorrow. One of the forums I help maintain is called PAZRT.com (Pennsylvania Zombie Response Team) and it has been very popular for over a year now. The forum is designed so members can discuss survival aspects, planning, weapons, gear, etc., but in a light hearted anti zombie atmosphere! It makes it fun for everyone while keeping the training informative and focused.
So, next time you hear someone talking about the zombie apocalypse…maybe you should pay attention instead of laughing them off. When disaster strikes, it is up to you to survive…don’t depend on the government to hold your hand! Even the government doesn’t trust the government. With a little training and planing, you can survive any situation LIKE A MOFO!
Greensburg 6 – Death Penalty for All!
That’s right, no pussy footing around, no endless trials and appeals! Just put all 6 of them to death! People that take part in torture and murder like this do not deserve to breath the same air that we do! It doesn’t matter who did the torturing or who finally killed the victim, they all took part in some fashion and they are all responsible!
I had the displeasure of meeting Ricky Smyrnes when he lived in some rat hole trailer in New Alex several years ago. He stopped by work on several
The Greensburg 6
occasions to purchase items for a vehicle he was working on but ended up bouncing the check and never paying. I can assure you that this guy was ans still is a waste of life! Ignorant, arrogant and just down right weird! I would have no problem pulling the lever on the electric chair for any of these losers! When a animal tastes blood, it is changed forever and people are no exception. We cannot heal these people and they will never serve a constructive purposeful life so why incarcerate them for the rest of their worthless lives?
Let’s just do the right thing and zap them! Get ‘ole Sparky warmed up. It will be a busy day! Broadcast it on all the major networks too! Just as a reminder to all the other dumb asses out there that think torture and murder is normal. It’s not normal…functioning mentally handicapped people know the difference between right and not right! So we better not hear that excuse either from these six dead beats. Make no mistake, we will be hearing about this case for a long time. With six accused, the trials and appeals will last until they die of natural causes. But it shouldn’t be that way…It’s our tax money that pays for these proceedings so I say fry them and keep the change LIKE A MOFO!
2011 TSA Calendar is Out!
With all the hype over the recent upgrade in TSA security at the airport, I thought it would be the perfect time to release a preview of the new TSA Calendar! Personally, I think the model could use a little meat on her bones…
Voting and You! A Public Service Message…
Voting - Right or Privilege?
So, as the PA Primaries get underway today, I can’t help but think of all the doucebag politicians just wringing their hands at the prospect of serving in a public office! I, myself, find it very hard to vote. Not because I am a bad American or anything like that, but because I just don’t want to vote for any of these losers that say they are going to do this and that but once they get elected, they decide to do what is best for themselves! It doesn’t seem to matter if the position is for school board council member or President of the USA…there are no good candidates worth a vote in my book! I think that the Founding Fathers meant for public offices to be held by regular citizens and only for short terms. Somewhere between 1776 and now, something went wrong…very, very wrong! Today, public offices are held by career politicians. They are rich enough that the average citizen cannot face them in an election. They have the money and backing to basically ‘buy’ the office that they want! People like you and I cannot afford to go up against these tyrants thus we have no chance to win. The viscous circle just keeps going on…when a public official screws up, retires or loses to a candidate with bigger promises and more money, their successors are usually even worse! Where will it end?
The Political system in this country is just too far gone! Personally, I don’t think it can be fixed…it needs to be completely rebuilt from the ground up! Serving in a public office should be an honor and privilege, not a career. So, from now on, politicians will get paid the same as their regular job’s last year pay. Terms will be limited to two years max, one year for minor offices. Officials will always answer to the public, none of this “No Comment!” crap! Also, before any candidate is allowed to run for office, they should be required to clearly post their positions on sensitive issues and they must stick to them. Finally, a candidate should be able to run for office no matter what his or her background. A construction worker can serve his country just as well as a greedy lawyer! After all, this is a country of the people, by the people, for the people! Not of the lawyers, by the lawyers, for the lawyers!
If the current political system was revamped even slightly, I would have no reservations about voting. Voting is both an honor and a duty of citizenship but when the system doesn’t work, voting is worthless. Right now…the system doesn’t work! Get the crap out of office and make the rules what they should be and I will personally get out and vote LIKE A MOFO! Every proud American should be ashamed at our current political system!
Be sure to post your comments! I want to hear what you have to say!
Welcome to LIKEAMOFO!
Welcome to LIKEAMOFO! This is a new blog idea I have had for a while now and finally decided to make a go of it! “So, how does it work?” Well, I’m glad you asked! What I’m gonna do is post different articles and new stories from around the world as well as various rants and raves from time to time. Everyone is invited to choose a side or take a stand and post comments for or against the opinions presented. It should be lots of fun as well as a great way to vent your frustrations about this crazy world we all live in! If everything goes well, I will also be looking for a few good authors to bring on board! If your interested in writing, hit me up for consideration! Until then, prepare to oppose or concur…just don’t sit there and do nothing! This whacked world of ours is about to come at you LIKE A MOFO!
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