Zombies…What is all the hype about?

Unless you live under a rock, you have probably noticed the uprising in zombie related occurrences lately.  No, I’m not talking about the actual dead rising from their graves and feeding on human flesh or even the hordes of Obama Zombies that still think he is doing a good job…I’m talking about the zombie mythology going mainstream.  In addition to the usual zombie mentions around Halloween, there has been a lot more popularity this year.  Respected ammunition manufacturer, Hornady, has released it’s new Zombie Max Ammo line with unprecedented zombie take down power.  Guns & Ammo Magazine has started the Zombie Nation blog where they are posting important information about zombies to help you survive the impending zombie apocalypse.  Even mainstream mail order catalog companies like Brownell’s have started websites selling zombie hunting and survival merchandise!

Zombie Max Ammo

To go even further, there have been several shows on the TV about Zombies.  The most notable was on the History Channel just before Halloween.  It was called ‘Zombies:  A Living History’ and it was actually a pretty good documentary on the history of Zombies, both in real life and in mythology.  The 2 hour show also went on to describe how an actual zombie apocalypse could happen and how close we are to it actually happening!  Science may have already invented viruses that can bring on zombie like symptoms.  The show also mentioned several natural viruses that can be considered zombie like plagues if they ever came to infect humans.  Some of these natural born killers are Mad Cow Disease and the infectious Prion Disease.  Both viruses could start a chain reaction of zombie like behavior if ever released into the human population!

Scary stuff.  Many consider a zombie outbreak to be unthinkable, but the notoriety has even been discussed in the highest levels of our government, including a new promotion by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta.  The CDC came up with a program to help bring situational awareness and survival to Americans by capitalizing on this new uprising in zombie popularity.  The CDC states what most zombie websites and forums have been saying for years…if you are prepared for the zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for any type of survival situation.  Natural disasters, civil up rise, economic collapse…nothing is worse that the undead walking the earth looking for a fresh meal at your expense!  You can read more about Zombie Preparedness 101 on the CDC’s official blog here: CDC Blog

With all this zombie popularity, there is also a lot of haters that are going to be hating!  I’ve seen a lot of folks criticize the above mentioned sources for their playing into the zombie mythology.  Some say that they are wasting money and resources on these promotions and others say that they are lowering their standards by advertising products with a comic book approach.  Personally, I say BULLSHIT!  One of the best ways to advertise a product or to promote your word is to use popular fads. Although the zombie mythology has been around since the late 60′s this current popularity spike is a fad.  It has been building ever since 9/11 2001.  Half of all zombie related movies and books have been produced since the attacks on 9/11.  That really says a lot about why people embrace the zombie mythology.  It is a way of expressing fear and outrage against a fictional enemy.  With current events getting more and more discouraging, fighting hordes of the undead actually seems appealing.  I have nothing but admiration for these companies stepping up and embracing zombie popularity, even if it is to make money.  Hey, this society is based on companies selling shit to us!  So, quit complaining and get out there and buy something!

Several years ago, I started something that is bigger than I even knew when I created the a simple logo for the Pennsylvania Zombie Response Team!  In the

Pennsylvania Zombie Response Team

past several years, the logo spawned into a forum called PAZRT.com that now has well over 1,000 members.  The forum also hosts a Facebook group of the same name that has over 10,000 fans!  That’s pretty impressive for a local website focused on the zombie mythology.  Why, you ask?  I think it is because Pennsylvania is ground zero for the entire zombie genre.  George Romero started everything with a little low budget film shot in Western PA called Night of the Living Dead.  That was released in 1968 and zombie popularity has been growing ever since.  PA has been refereed to the front lines in the battle against the undead.  So it is only natural that PAZRT.com has become so popular and I am certain that it will continue to grow in popularity.  We currently have members from all over Pennsylvania as well as National and International chapters.  I’m willing to bet that Mr. Romero himself is a member of the either the forum or the Facebook page!

My advice to all those that find this new found zombie popularity ridiculous or stupid?  Get down of your high horse and live a little!  Zombies are here to stay and if everything goes right, they will continue to be just mythology.  If things go south and the government releases zombie toxins into the water supply by accident (or on purpose…) then we will have a common ground to ban together and help protect the human race LIKE A MOFO!

When Squirrels Attack!

I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!

Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second, and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions or poor situational awareness are pretty much the same for both groups too.

Occasionally, as a rider I have caught myself starting to make bad or late decisions while riding. In flight training, my instructors called this being “behind the power curve”. It is a mark of experience that when this begins to happen, the rider recognizes the situation, and more importantly, does something about it. A short break, a meal, or even a gas stop can set things right again as it gives the brain a chance to catch up.

Good, accurate, and timely decisions are essential when riding a motorcycle…at least if you want to remain among the living. In short, the brain needs to keep up with the machine.

I had been banging around the roads of east Texas and as I headed back into Dallas, found myself in very heavy, high-speed traffic on the freeways. Normally, this is not a problem, I commute in these conditions daily, but suddenly I was nearly run down by a cage that decided it needed my lane more than I did. This is not normally a big deal either, as it happens around here often, but usually I can accurately predict which drivers are not paying attention and avoid them before we are even close. This one I missed seeing until it was nearly too late, and as I took evasive action I nearly broadsided another car that I was not even aware was there!

Two bad decisions and insufficient situational awareness…all within seconds. I was behind the power curve. Time to get off the freeway.

I hit the next exit, and as I was in an area I knew pretty well, headed through a few big residential neighborhoods as a new route home. As I turned onto the nearly empty streets I opened the visor on my full-face helmet to help get some air. I figured some slow riding through the quiet surface streets would give me time to relax, think, and regain that “edge” so frequently required when riding.

Little did I suspect…

As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it—it was that close.

I hate to run over animals…and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.

Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, “Banzai!” or maybe, “Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!” as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.

Cute little purveyor of death and destruction!

Instantly he set upon me. If I did not know better I would have sworn he brought twenty of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street…and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.

I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.

That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.

But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel.

This was an evil attack squirrel of death!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed square on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!

The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him.

I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.

The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in…well…I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street…on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody’s tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle…my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little affect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is a Scottish attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got IN my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed partway and he began hissing in my face I am quite sure my screaming changed tone and intensity. It seemed to have little affect on the squirrel however.

The rpm’s on The Dragon maxed out (I was not concerned about shifting at the moment) and her front end started to drop.

Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand…I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked…sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of, so to speak.

Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.

Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren’t mine…

I managed to get the big motorcycle under directional control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign at a busy cross street.

I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. But for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked in front of and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.

So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to “let the professionals handle it” anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me the finger…

That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car…

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.

As for my easy and slow drive home? Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or the evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death…I’ll take my chances with the freeway. Every time.

And I’ll buy myself a new pair of gloves.

Living for the Apocalypse

After watching TLC’s one hour special called “Living for the Apocalypse,” I got to thinking about why we are so easy to accept that the apocalypse is coming.  maybe not the biblical end of the world, fire and brimstone type of apocalypse, but I think everyone you ask believes that some sort of life changing event is on the horizon.  Sure, some of the people portrayed in the TLC special are a bit eccentric, but there are probably millions of other people out there that are preparing for survival at different levels.  Some may be securing their assets and financial portfolios while others are stocking up a little extra on water and canned goods.  Still others may be buying guns and ammo for the impending days of doom.

So, why are people so ready to accept the end of days?  I have a theory that many people are frustrated with life and secretly yearn for a change.  They are sick of the day to day grind.  Get up, go to work, go to bed…start all over the next day.  Reminds me of Bill Murray’s old movie “Groundhog Day.”  In some sadistic way, they are ready for a big change!  Even if it means millions of people may be affected by the event.  Maybe millions will even die.  It doesn’t matter…life will have changed for ever!  Things will be different from there on out.  Some people might even be thrusted from a mundane life of a commoner into a post apocalyptic world that embraces them as a hero, zombie killer, freedom fighter or maybe even a new leader.  Don’t laugh, the sub conscious fantasy world can have a huge draw on the way you think and behave.

With all the events of late…hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes and economic problems, it doesn’t take much to allow your imagination to conjure up some of the many different apocalyptic scenarios!  Many folks react by preparing for the worst.  For example, how many of your Grandparents were pack rats?  Tons of canned goods in the fruit cellar?  Toilet paper stashed in the basement?  Did they ever throw anything useful away?  This mentality probably came from the days of the Great Depression.  They had to live with what they had and didn’t depend on anyone to hand them money or bailouts like the government does today.  No sir…Americans in the early 1930′s were a different breed of independent survivors!  People today are soft and too dependent on the government.  They will be the first ones to fold when life as we know it changes. 

Peple have asked me if I think the end is coming.  Many people still think of the end as a catastrophic event that will wipe out all life as we know it and the world will cease to exist.  Personally, I don’t think that will happen until the sun runs out of fuel and decides to go super nova.  At that point, the world will end.  But until then, I do believe that we have many events and cycles to endure and over come.  Sure, they will change life as we know it and many may not survive…but the human race will survive.  Right up until the sun goes out with a world shattering bang.  We may be facing civil unrest, war, natural disaster or maybe even a new ice age that historically happens every 100,000 years or so!  (We are over due, by the way!)  What ever happens, humans will survive.  So I do agree with preparation.  If you are lucky enough to survive an initial event, then you will need supplies and planning to continue your stay on this Earth.  Guns and ammo will definitely help protect your assets from those who did not plan on surviving or they could even be part of your plan for finding and taking your share of what is left.

What ever your ideas and goals are…it all starts with a little planning and preparation.  You don’t have to be an eccentric wacko to institute a survival plan.  You just have to have a desire to protect and provide for your family no matter what life throws at you.  We can’t change the path that we are heading in but we can give ourselves better odds of surviving LIKE A MOFO!

Automatic Wage Witholding to Help Reduce National Debt

Well, if you are one of those sheeple sitting out there in la-la land wishing for a way to have the government automatically take a percentage of your paycheck as a donation to help pay down the national debt…your dream may soon come true!  That’s right, It seems that several wacko congressman have nothing better to do than dream up this crap and introduce it to the floor.  I present to you HR2411…“Reduce America’s Debt Now Act of 2011.”  Oh yeah!  You just can’t make this shit up!  The US Government is so broke since Obama started printing money like Milton Bradley, it has to now ask for you to voluntarily donate to the cause!  But wait, maybe that’s not so bad…tax deductions, right??  Wrong…donations are non tax deductible and your job will be responsible for covering the cost of with holding the money, filing the paper work, sending the payments etc.  We all know how our employers like to cover the cost of things!

Our money is currently not worth the paper it is printed on!

I have heard that congress is also ringing their hands for the chance to charge us a ‘per mile’ tax on our cars and trucks!  Won’t that be nice!  We already pay taxes out the ass on every gallon of gas, not to mention every time the vehicle is sold or transferred.  What ever happened to no taxation without representation?  I don’t think any of us voted for these assholes so that they could tax the hell out of us in return!  Folks, this government is out of control and we are spiraling into the same situation that Greece is in right now.  Some experts have estimated that we are one year behind Greece in economic turmoil.  Wide spread depression, food shortages, fuel shortages, rioting…we have some fun times to look forward to!

I don’t know about you, but next year is election year and if we are stupid enough to vote BHO back into office, (and by we…I mean YOU cause I know I ain’t voting for the lying bastard!) well my friends, this country will get what it deserves LIKE A MOFO!

Lines Are Being Drawn in the Sand

The neighborhood is about to get ugly!

We have been hearing in the news lately that Iran is getting close to having nuclear weapons.  They claim that they are entitled to peaceful nuclear technology, but who refines uranium to weapon grade specifications for peaceful uses?  I ain’t buying it and apparently neither is Saudi Arabia.  Prince Turki al-Faisal, a former Saudi intelligence chief and ambassador to Washington, warned senior Nato military officials that the existence of nuclear weapons in Iran would lead to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to progress with plans to obtain their own nuclear weapons.  Now, I don’t know about you but this seems like two kids on the block squaring off with brass knuckles!  If these two countries both have access to nukes…I do think we will see nuclear war in our life times!

Lines have been drawn in the sand!

Iran is unstable and Saudi will not be pushed around.  It’s a recipe for disaster!  I’m definitely not one for meddling with other country’s affairs but this is bad news.  As an ally of Saudi, we would certainly be involved in the melee, maybe not in warfare but surely in the political sabre rattling.  The entire world would be involved in the aftermath of nuclear war in the Middle East.  Depending on the scale of battle, we could face nuclear fallout and nuclear winter all around the globe.

In the grand scheme of things, maybe we should sit back and let them bomb each other back to the stone age!  They have been battling over there for over two thousand years and there is no end in sight.  Maybe this could be the end of the Middle East conflict for ever?  Maybe the superpowers should join in and unload all our ordnance into the Middle East theater and make it one big glass parking lot!  The radiation would die down after 100 years and Disney could put up a new theme park!  Personally, I think 2000 years of civil unrest has stunted these third world shit hole’s growth.  Most of them are still in the stone age!  The only modern advancements are AK47′s and RPG’s.  Many people in these god forsaken countries still live in mud huts, eat scrub grass and wipe their asses with their hands.  Not to mention all the nervous goats in the village!  Humanity and compassion aside, a giant tsunami could wipe out the entire Middle East and it really wouldn’t be much of a loss!

Maybe this is why Obama is pulling our troops out finally?  Fear of nuclear war in the region?  Or maybe it is just a political stunt to try and get re-elected?  Although, with gas prices dropping and Obama paint pictures of rainbows and unicorns everywhere, I can almost guarantee that it is a political stunt.  It would make too much sense to pull our troops out of harms way LIKE A MOFO!